Universelle Relationen

Topics / Quitting smoking

Why is quitting smoking so hard?

In shortSmoking is a cluster of relations that has gained weight over years: after eating comes the wish for dopamine, the craving activates the cigarette. Quitting does not work through prohibition but by redirecting these relations — linking the old triggers to a new, calm response until the smoking network is only passive.

This example is from my book “Universelle Relationen”. More in the book →

The problem as a graph

Three network levels interlock: an everyday event (eating, a break), the craving in the mind, and the reward in the body (dopamine). The thick, glowing edge is the active relation that pulls you toward the cigarette.

Eating / breakCravingDopamineCigaretteCalm
Graph as text
  • Eating / break → Craving (active)
  • Craving → Dopamine (active)
  • Craving → Cigarette (active)
  • Cigarette → Dopamine (active)
  • Craving → Calm (empty)

Step by step

  1. Sketch your smoking network: which events (eating, coffee, stress, a break) are active triggers? Draw them as nodes.
  2. Find the disturbing node — usually a recurring ritual after which the craving reliably flares up.
  3. First handle the bodily level separately (e.g. reduce nicotine step by step) so you solve one thing at a time.
  4. Redirect the energy: deliberately connect the old trigger to a new response (eat something, step outside, a calm gesture).
  5. Repeat until the relation to the cigarette is no longer active but passive. Then tend to the new active relation so it serves you well.

An example from my life

I smoked a pack a day for a year and kept trying to quit “for real”. It only worked once I stopped fighting the smoking and instead rebuilt my relations. After eating, the craving came reliably — so I ate something else right there, every single time.

Yes, I gained weight, but that was a phase. At some point the smoking network was only passive. After that, the work was to move the new active relation, the craving for food, toward a craving for calm.

Frequently asked

Why do I crave a cigarette right after eating?

Because the dopamine released while eating is not enough and your body wants more than usual. That very moment is a strongly activated relation — and therefore the best place to redirect.

Do I have to do it through willpower alone?

No. Willpower fights against an active relation. It is more effective to connect the trigger to a new response until the old relation becomes passive.

Keep thinking

Related terms: Relation, Signal (“Schwingung”), The three states: empty, active, passive

Note: this is not medical or therapeutic advice, but a personal way of thinking. If you are going through a hard time: in Germany the Telefonseelsorge offers free, round-the-clock support at 0800 111 0 111. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.
Last updated: 2026-06-26Sources