Topics / Dark phases

How do I get out of a dark phase?

In shortIn dark phases the same relations drive a thought-carousel again and again — often from old patterns learned in childhood. It helps to look closely at which input node triggers the chain, and to redirect the energy in yourself instead of always sending it into the same wall. This is not therapy, but a way of thinking that helped me.

This example is from my book “Universelle Relationen”. More in the book →

The problem as a graph

An everyday event touches a memory of the inner child. Certain thoughts get activated, a thought-carousel forms, and the body responds with restlessness and stress. The glowing edges show the active chain.

Graph as text

Everyday event → Inner child (active)
Inner child → “Not enough” (active)
“Not enough” → Thought-carousel (active)
Thought-carousel → Restlessness / stress (active)
Awareness → “Not enough” (empty)

Step by step

Separate the levels: what happens in everyday life, in the mind, in the body? Sketch them apart.
Look for the input node: which event starts the chain? Often it is a social situation that touches something old.
Bring your awareness back to yourself and name the thought (“pressure”, “worthless”, “not enough”) — and where it comes from.
Start where you have influence: with yourself. You cannot change other people, but you can help shape your own graph.
Redirect the energy onto a previously empty relation — a new, kinder response to the same trigger.

An example from my life

It helped me to bring my awareness back to myself and look closely at where thoughts like “pressure” or “not being enough” came from. Only then could I redirect the energy. I learned which events trigger which feelings — and at which point in the graph I can intervene.

For me there was great relief in this: sensing that I am not only my thoughts, but can help shape the graph. Maybe that is a beginning for you too.

Frequently asked

Why do the same heavy feelings keep returning?

Because the same relations keep being activated, ones that have gained a lot of weight over the years. Until the chain is interrupted, it runs again automatically.

Does this way of thinking replace therapy?

No. It is not treatment, but a perspective that helped me. If things stay hard, it is no sign of weakness to seek help.

Keep thinking

Note: this is not medical or therapeutic advice, but a personal way of thinking. If you are going through a hard time: in Germany the Telefonseelsorge offers free, round-the-clock support at 0800 111 0 111. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.

Last updated: 2026-06-26Sources