Topics / Losing weight

Why is losing weight so hard?

In shortFor many people eating is tied to the wish for good feelings: an event during the day triggers the mind, the mind craves dopamine, the body gets it through food. For me, lasting weight loss means looking at myself as a whole and redirecting that energy into new relations — not through diet or exercise alone, but by changing the loop of situation, mind and body.

This example is from my book “Universelle Relationen”. More in the book →

The problem as a graph

Everyday situations are in direct relation to the mind, and the mind to the body. An event triggers the wish for good feelings, and unhealthy food reliably delivers dopamine. The active chain keeps the loop going.

Event during the dayWish for love / joyUnhealthy foodDopamineNew relation
Graph as text
  • Event during the dayWish for love / joy (active)
  • Wish for love / joyUnhealthy food (active)
  • Unhealthy foodDopamine (active)
  • Wish for love / joyNew relation (empty)

Step by step

  1. Look at yourself as a whole on three levels: everyday life, mind, body. Sketch which events trigger which craving.
  2. Recognise the loop: which situation reliably activates the wish for good feelings?
  3. Accept that diet or exercise alone usually is not enough — they leave the input node untouched.
  4. Redirect the energy: connect the same situation to a new relation that also feels good.
  5. Stay patient. Redirecting is unfamiliar and needs repetition, until the new relation is active and the old one passive.

An example from my life

For me many events traced back to the same thing: the wish for good feelings, for love. Unhealthy food was always at my side; it felt good. But it was a loop that served neither me nor my mind.

What made the difference was not the next diet, but energy I redirected into new relations. At first it was unfamiliar and hard — but those were simply the familiar signals I kept activating.

Frequently asked

Why are diet and exercise alone often not enough?

Because they bypass the input node: the event that triggers the wish for good feelings. As long as that relation stays active, the old pattern returns.

What does “redirecting energy” mean in practice?

Deliberately connecting the same trigger to a different response that also feels good — and repeating it until the new relation becomes the active one.

Keep thinking

Related terms: Network level, Relation

Note: this is not medical or therapeutic advice, but a personal way of thinking. If you are going through a hard time: in Germany the Telefonseelsorge offers free, round-the-clock support at 0800 111 0 111. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.
Last updated: 2026-06-26Sources